A New System

So I decided that my bold move to come home for two days was totally worth it. Not for the sex, and not for the stuff beforehand, but simply because i got to see her. We connected, and on so many levels. I feel like im on an eharmony commercial, but its like mary was saying..."When im with you, its like its only me. there are not two people here right now, there is only one." I think thats the most intimate you can get with another person this day in age. Modern culture has taken sex and put a horrible spin on it, so lets be honest, its not as sacred as it was back in the day (like Jesus days). She doesnt want to make the mistake again. I'm like cool; now i know you definatly donnt want it again, because you have confused me in the past by saying you dont want it, and the next day saying we should, and now i know to keep saying no as much as i can. But the stuff before it is going to be a bit of a leap for me I'm not going to lie. We are going to have to talk about this some more, but thats a problem too. I realized that i dont have much time to be home anymore. As of today, i have 17 days before corps starts full time, and then im gone till august 15. Then i learned some great news at the percussion party (and by great, i mean aweful): i have to go to tech a week earlier than drumline camp because im a vet, and all vets get there early. that really sucks. like i think they said i might get 3 days home before i have to come back to tech. so i propose this. if we cant change the circumstances, lets at least change our attitude about this. i am going to spend every waking moment of my life now thinking of ways to see you and be with you. you can do the same, but if you dont i understand. i will therefore be bombarding you with dates and ideas that may be risky, and you will shoot me down several times. but i beg you to take a risk on some occassions and see me because i promise, with my new date ideas, you wont be sad that you took the chance. so that being said, i hope you are thinking of good date ideas, and i hope that we can spend a lot of time together before my corps tour starts. i love you with all of my heart baby.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

long time, no post

I havent written one of these in a while, so i guess i should. Who could have guessed the past few turn of events. Literally, in less than 3 weeks, things went to hell, and things got worse for her, great for us, and then horrible for her again. basically, its one hell of a roller coaster for our emotions. but i see the track ending soon. i mean i see the station platform, not the end of the tracks, like us dying. I see that me and mary might get of this roller coaster fine. I know its hard for her to do, but if she trusts me, i know we can make it through this. She is going through SOOOO much shit though, its hard to have vision when everything is bogging you down. I hope she knows that I am always there for her, whenever she needs me, and wherever she needs me. I guess thats why I'm taking this trip to go see her. It's an aweful idea for my school work. I could work on my music and help lift the loads of juries off, but instead, i wanna help her out as much as i can. I know she needs to see me, so im willing to do this for her, just so we can make it through this alive. I love her with all of my heart, and she loves me with hers. we just need to hold onto each other and refuse to let go. then we will be able to be together....forever. :)

chris parker

p.s. about freaking time i wrote this, and about time we got back together, because i missed you. :)

I miss her more than ever

Basically the title says it all (as usual). i miss her. a lot. and i think its because of the trouble that has befallen her. usually when we were dating, she would come running to me at the slightest sign of a problem, and i would tlak her through it and together we would fix it. and now, she cant/wont do that. i cheered her up a little bit, but then she just said i have to go, and left me again. i know i was hard on her when i first heard the news, but i was scared and when i get scared, i get very angry, and i just said some aweful things to her. she didnt need that, and she got away from me. i immediatly regret saying most of those things to her, and now i know that she needs a friend. she actually took my advice for once and used the friends she has at school, but now she does it when i want to be her lone friend. yeah, get that, it sucks. well, i just hope that when she reads this, she knows that i was missing her and i hope that everything pans out well, and i hope that she still...ummmm......wumbo's me? im not sure how to word it. im sure she does

wumbo

chris parker

the fight continues.

well, based off all the risks we took today, it sounds like we are still going to fight. i was like "hell yeah" when she was talking to me, and it sounds like we were actually getting along quite well.....until the end. then things went south, and i dont know why our conversations are doing that a lot now. they seem to be just great, then randomly, someone just goes off the path and starts cutting the other person down. and for what seems like the wrong reasons. i believe its a reaction to us "waking up". see i believe that when we talk, its like we are in our own world, and its wonderful. we are just ignoring everything around us, and at that moment, the only thing that matters is us, but then someone will open their eyes to the really world and just say, "nope thats not what we should do." often times it has to do with the fact that she is dating colby or that we are not allowed to text, so she goes. am i mad at her? of course not. do i hate that it happens? yes. do i think we can help it? idk. the one that could stop it is us just not talking unless she wants to fully commit, which would be never to rarely. i dont want that, and i would hope she wouldnt either. the other option is for me to not expect as much, which is hard. i mean one second its like, you and me cant talk for 6 months, then the next, we are daring each other to make moves on each other, and i mean big ones (you know what im talking about) and then the next moment we are back to that sex is wrong, i get sick after sex, is that right, and so on and so forth. i just feel like we are on a rollercoaster of just the most random shit, and its a super up and down coaster like goliath at six flags in georgia. the only solution that i have in mind is just be aware and try to calm down our drama notches a bit. no matter what though, im sooooooooooooo happy. she still uses our word and therefor, feelings are still present. she cant show them to me, but i know they are there. everyone (except emily) i talk to tells me "she is a slut. get over that bitch" (sorry for the wake up call, but NO ONE i have talked to thinks that you and colby was a "good move" aka, they think you kinda hit me below the belt). i dont think that at all.... well it hurt but what am i suppose to do, not let you experiment? of course im getting called crazy for doing this, but im crazy for you, so im going to go through with it if i can get another chance with you. emily calls it amazing, and she as well as i hope that you see how dedicated i am to you, and that i want you so badly im willing to watch you date another man, and be "fine" with it to the point that im not yelling at you. im getting off subject. i know your going through a lot emotionally, and i just dont want you to make yourself go boom. i know that feelings between us are there, and later, i will take advantage of that. if you wanna keep those feelings away from me right now, tell me. if you wanna show them to me, show them to me. but for the love of pete, dont do both, because now I cant handle this back and forth game, so lets just pick one and stick with it. please write back, hope to hear from you soon. oh, and have fun at disney (put tell colby to keep it in his pants) ;)

wumbo :)

chris parker

facebook info

your email: ttudrumminfreak@gmail.com

your password: sex kitten

be sure to put the space in the password. if you have questions, please call. by the way, i will get tech people to friend request you, so please accept them so you look legit. if you want to get a photo for your pro pic, go the studio website and pick a persons picture.

http://orgs.tntech.edu/percussionstudio/

or get the group photo, that might work too

a new way of thinking

after the incident with the devil (thank you gracie collins), things went from neck high in shit, to 10 feet above our heads in shit. this is too much. (side note: my drumming friend nick says hi) She can't handle it, and i dont blame her. So i propose a new way of thinking. What i was trying to do with mary is be like a horse with blinders: just mary, all the time, going to go with no one but her. But all the events taking place are making me realize that my way of thinking is hurting her. because im doing this, she feels obligated to make me a big role in her life. but im suppose to play no role in her life right now, according to her mother. we both know that i will always play a role in her life, and she will always play on in mine. Thanks to our pasts, that is inveitable, but i want her in my future as well. I hope she would want me in her future, but here is what i suggest for us right now.

Just instead of being a horse with blinders, be a member of the marching band. Your head is towards the drum major, but your always looking around constantly to get in forms and such. so like, i want to marry her, but im not going to push for it. im just going to wait. i might see another girl along the way. i might try dating her, but im always going to want mary. i dont want to say bounce back girl, but almost like that. time heals everything, and i believe that eventually, your mother will have to forgive me, and on that day, we can be friends again. and hell, if we are not past that phase in our lives, we can date again. i want you to know that you have played a very important role in my life. i will always find you incredibly attractive, and just a wonderful person and an exceptional girlfriend. your my absolute best friend, but right now, you just need to be my blog buddy. i will never forget you, and i hope you never forget me. i dont want this to sound like the end, but instead a new way of thinking. i dont want to stop talking or seeing you, or hell even liking you. but i want to take the pressure off you. until your parents calm down, you will be in control of the talking to me and seeing me (if ever) and such. i hope that your feelings for me dont change, though im not suggesting that you attach on to me in such a dangerous way that your parents will never forgive me. hold on baby, but loosely.

finally, last order of business. my tech friends looked at me this morning and said "aurora chris? really?" they figured it out because of the mutual friends and such, and they gave me this suggestion. I can create a profile for you of a "new studio member", all the guys in the studio will be friends with this person and i can get the music building to be friends with this person. i can give you the password, and we can talk that way on facebook. Now i dont know the exact facebook rules you have, so i dont know if you can actually do this. yet again, i dont want to force you to do this, i am simply throwing out a suggestion. i hope that you like my new way of thinking, and i wish you and colby the best of luck. post back your thoughts and comments about my idea.

wumbo

chris parker

Notice

Please text when the date is over....but please read on, the next blog entry is a good one. and remember your best friend please!

chris parker