A New System

So I decided that my bold move to come home for two days was totally worth it. Not for the sex, and not for the stuff beforehand, but simply because i got to see her. We connected, and on so many levels. I feel like im on an eharmony commercial, but its like mary was saying..."When im with you, its like its only me. there are not two people here right now, there is only one." I think thats the most intimate you can get with another person this day in age. Modern culture has taken sex and put a horrible spin on it, so lets be honest, its not as sacred as it was back in the day (like Jesus days). She doesnt want to make the mistake again. I'm like cool; now i know you definatly donnt want it again, because you have confused me in the past by saying you dont want it, and the next day saying we should, and now i know to keep saying no as much as i can. But the stuff before it is going to be a bit of a leap for me I'm not going to lie. We are going to have to talk about this some more, but thats a problem too. I realized that i dont have much time to be home anymore. As of today, i have 17 days before corps starts full time, and then im gone till august 15. Then i learned some great news at the percussion party (and by great, i mean aweful): i have to go to tech a week earlier than drumline camp because im a vet, and all vets get there early. that really sucks. like i think they said i might get 3 days home before i have to come back to tech. so i propose this. if we cant change the circumstances, lets at least change our attitude about this. i am going to spend every waking moment of my life now thinking of ways to see you and be with you. you can do the same, but if you dont i understand. i will therefore be bombarding you with dates and ideas that may be risky, and you will shoot me down several times. but i beg you to take a risk on some occassions and see me because i promise, with my new date ideas, you wont be sad that you took the chance. so that being said, i hope you are thinking of good date ideas, and i hope that we can spend a lot of time together before my corps tour starts. i love you with all of my heart baby.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

long time, no post

I havent written one of these in a while, so i guess i should. Who could have guessed the past few turn of events. Literally, in less than 3 weeks, things went to hell, and things got worse for her, great for us, and then horrible for her again. basically, its one hell of a roller coaster for our emotions. but i see the track ending soon. i mean i see the station platform, not the end of the tracks, like us dying. I see that me and mary might get of this roller coaster fine. I know its hard for her to do, but if she trusts me, i know we can make it through this. She is going through SOOOO much shit though, its hard to have vision when everything is bogging you down. I hope she knows that I am always there for her, whenever she needs me, and wherever she needs me. I guess thats why I'm taking this trip to go see her. It's an aweful idea for my school work. I could work on my music and help lift the loads of juries off, but instead, i wanna help her out as much as i can. I know she needs to see me, so im willing to do this for her, just so we can make it through this alive. I love her with all of my heart, and she loves me with hers. we just need to hold onto each other and refuse to let go. then we will be able to be together....forever. :)

chris parker

p.s. about freaking time i wrote this, and about time we got back together, because i missed you. :)

I miss her more than ever

Basically the title says it all (as usual). i miss her. a lot. and i think its because of the trouble that has befallen her. usually when we were dating, she would come running to me at the slightest sign of a problem, and i would tlak her through it and together we would fix it. and now, she cant/wont do that. i cheered her up a little bit, but then she just said i have to go, and left me again. i know i was hard on her when i first heard the news, but i was scared and when i get scared, i get very angry, and i just said some aweful things to her. she didnt need that, and she got away from me. i immediatly regret saying most of those things to her, and now i know that she needs a friend. she actually took my advice for once and used the friends she has at school, but now she does it when i want to be her lone friend. yeah, get that, it sucks. well, i just hope that when she reads this, she knows that i was missing her and i hope that everything pans out well, and i hope that she still...ummmm......wumbo's me? im not sure how to word it. im sure she does

wumbo

chris parker

the fight continues.

well, based off all the risks we took today, it sounds like we are still going to fight. i was like "hell yeah" when she was talking to me, and it sounds like we were actually getting along quite well.....until the end. then things went south, and i dont know why our conversations are doing that a lot now. they seem to be just great, then randomly, someone just goes off the path and starts cutting the other person down. and for what seems like the wrong reasons. i believe its a reaction to us "waking up". see i believe that when we talk, its like we are in our own world, and its wonderful. we are just ignoring everything around us, and at that moment, the only thing that matters is us, but then someone will open their eyes to the really world and just say, "nope thats not what we should do." often times it has to do with the fact that she is dating colby or that we are not allowed to text, so she goes. am i mad at her? of course not. do i hate that it happens? yes. do i think we can help it? idk. the one that could stop it is us just not talking unless she wants to fully commit, which would be never to rarely. i dont want that, and i would hope she wouldnt either. the other option is for me to not expect as much, which is hard. i mean one second its like, you and me cant talk for 6 months, then the next, we are daring each other to make moves on each other, and i mean big ones (you know what im talking about) and then the next moment we are back to that sex is wrong, i get sick after sex, is that right, and so on and so forth. i just feel like we are on a rollercoaster of just the most random shit, and its a super up and down coaster like goliath at six flags in georgia. the only solution that i have in mind is just be aware and try to calm down our drama notches a bit. no matter what though, im sooooooooooooo happy. she still uses our word and therefor, feelings are still present. she cant show them to me, but i know they are there. everyone (except emily) i talk to tells me "she is a slut. get over that bitch" (sorry for the wake up call, but NO ONE i have talked to thinks that you and colby was a "good move" aka, they think you kinda hit me below the belt). i dont think that at all.... well it hurt but what am i suppose to do, not let you experiment? of course im getting called crazy for doing this, but im crazy for you, so im going to go through with it if i can get another chance with you. emily calls it amazing, and she as well as i hope that you see how dedicated i am to you, and that i want you so badly im willing to watch you date another man, and be "fine" with it to the point that im not yelling at you. im getting off subject. i know your going through a lot emotionally, and i just dont want you to make yourself go boom. i know that feelings between us are there, and later, i will take advantage of that. if you wanna keep those feelings away from me right now, tell me. if you wanna show them to me, show them to me. but for the love of pete, dont do both, because now I cant handle this back and forth game, so lets just pick one and stick with it. please write back, hope to hear from you soon. oh, and have fun at disney (put tell colby to keep it in his pants) ;)

wumbo :)

chris parker

facebook info

your email: ttudrumminfreak@gmail.com

your password: sex kitten

be sure to put the space in the password. if you have questions, please call. by the way, i will get tech people to friend request you, so please accept them so you look legit. if you want to get a photo for your pro pic, go the studio website and pick a persons picture.

http://orgs.tntech.edu/percussionstudio/

or get the group photo, that might work too

a new way of thinking

after the incident with the devil (thank you gracie collins), things went from neck high in shit, to 10 feet above our heads in shit. this is too much. (side note: my drumming friend nick says hi) She can't handle it, and i dont blame her. So i propose a new way of thinking. What i was trying to do with mary is be like a horse with blinders: just mary, all the time, going to go with no one but her. But all the events taking place are making me realize that my way of thinking is hurting her. because im doing this, she feels obligated to make me a big role in her life. but im suppose to play no role in her life right now, according to her mother. we both know that i will always play a role in her life, and she will always play on in mine. Thanks to our pasts, that is inveitable, but i want her in my future as well. I hope she would want me in her future, but here is what i suggest for us right now.

Just instead of being a horse with blinders, be a member of the marching band. Your head is towards the drum major, but your always looking around constantly to get in forms and such. so like, i want to marry her, but im not going to push for it. im just going to wait. i might see another girl along the way. i might try dating her, but im always going to want mary. i dont want to say bounce back girl, but almost like that. time heals everything, and i believe that eventually, your mother will have to forgive me, and on that day, we can be friends again. and hell, if we are not past that phase in our lives, we can date again. i want you to know that you have played a very important role in my life. i will always find you incredibly attractive, and just a wonderful person and an exceptional girlfriend. your my absolute best friend, but right now, you just need to be my blog buddy. i will never forget you, and i hope you never forget me. i dont want this to sound like the end, but instead a new way of thinking. i dont want to stop talking or seeing you, or hell even liking you. but i want to take the pressure off you. until your parents calm down, you will be in control of the talking to me and seeing me (if ever) and such. i hope that your feelings for me dont change, though im not suggesting that you attach on to me in such a dangerous way that your parents will never forgive me. hold on baby, but loosely.

finally, last order of business. my tech friends looked at me this morning and said "aurora chris? really?" they figured it out because of the mutual friends and such, and they gave me this suggestion. I can create a profile for you of a "new studio member", all the guys in the studio will be friends with this person and i can get the music building to be friends with this person. i can give you the password, and we can talk that way on facebook. Now i dont know the exact facebook rules you have, so i dont know if you can actually do this. yet again, i dont want to force you to do this, i am simply throwing out a suggestion. i hope that you like my new way of thinking, and i wish you and colby the best of luck. post back your thoughts and comments about my idea.

wumbo

chris parker

Notice

Please text when the date is over....but please read on, the next blog entry is a good one. and remember your best friend please!

chris parker

The First Date

today, i woke up late because i stayed up late last night. i havent had my meds in a while, and i probably need to get that taken care of.....(a few moments later (in spongebob narrorator voice)) that was good. ok. so i will addmit, i am getting jealous. well, its hard not to you see. when we WERE dating, mary told me i wasnt protective enough, so i decided that she was my territory and no one else was going to have her. she liked that, but now that she is dating other guys, i am still protective of her. i think deep down, she is also jealous. when other high school girls started flirting with me on facebook, she attacked me and started using the jealousy she had and twisted it to try and make me jealous. it was a bad situation. we are over it now, so lets just move on.

sometimes i feel like she is moving herself away from me on purpose. is she afraid to get too close to me? is she worried that i will pull her back in? but all i kow is that she is slowly cutting me out of the situation, i can tell. i know she thinks that we are just being friends and thats why im becoming less important in her life, but even in our conversations, she doesnt seem to care about me. i know it sounds selfish, and i know she says that she is the one who has the most problems, but now the tables have turned. now im one with a lot of problems too, and i feel like she either doesnt know that they are there, or she doesnt care about them. i mean, im not saying she needs to drop all of her problems and ignore her boyfriend just to ask how my fever has been doing in the past 30 seconds, but an occassional "are you ok today?" question would make me feel like she actually does care about me.

which brings me to this point right here. i know you are confused and you dont know what to do, but you know who you care about. i hope that i am in that group of people you care about and i hope that you would want to know if they are hurting or not. if i am not in that group of people whom you care about, then i dont need to be your best friend or anything, and i just need to go. it will kill me for a while, but not as badly as me holding on to someone who doesnt care about you.

i am not suggesting that you dont care about me. i know that you have a lot on your plate, and i know times are getting rough for you. i will do my best to clear my end of the plate with me and your mother, but i just need to know that you think i am an important aspect of your life. when we text, its like you dont even want to text me, your just doing it so you dont feel bad. or maybe colby is working and you are trying to make me your "boyfriend", but not really because he has asked you out already (and via text? really colby? come on man you have to do better than that). i dont know the full situation. all i know is this: with all of the one word texts and all the ttyl's and texting lingo, it seems like you dont want to talk to me and when you do, you wanna talk about you and your problems of life. i would like for you to show an interest in my life, and if you dont want to, we need to seriously talk about that.

chris parker

twist the knife

you see, once you stab an animal in the heart, you twist the knife so that when the normal shock of the initial pain is over, you can just absolutly demloish him by twisting the knife. today that happened with me. thank you facebook i love you too.

here is the story

when odyssey performed at nashville and sucked it up in prelims, we had to load our truck and then head out to a local high school (or in this case, a sports facility) to have a place to reherse in the morning. once we got to the location, the instructors told us this "when step off this bus, whoever sees you will remember odyssey by the things you say, and your actions; so if your a dick to them, they will think odyssey is full of dicks, but if your nice, then they will see odyssey in a positive light" so when we got off that bus, we were pissed sure, but we put on a smile as we unloaded our shit. i noticed 4 girls were wispering and pointing in my direction. when i put my snare down and my carrier they came over with two boys and said the usual "thats a sweet mohawk!". so i started talking to them and being poliet. i might have talked 5 minutes, then the mat needed to be unloaded so i told them i had to go. needless to say, i didnt see them again, because they had already loaded up, and they were staying in a hotel that night, so they left. the 2 older girls (the ones with boyfriends) must have joined the odyssey fan page and saw my name as christopher MOHAWK parker, and then friend requested me. when i got the friend requests, it reminded me of cavalier camp, and the time i met the blue devils. when i went to cavalier camp, all the guys there wanted to be your friend and they were so nice. it was awesome that they were so down to earth that they didnt see themselves as "too good for you" and it certainly made me feel special when i was just an average 16 year old drummer and the center tenor dude is talking to me about my music tastes. the blue devils on the other hand....totally different. they dont hold camps. they dont talk to you. because they think they are better than you. so the whole world thinks that they are a bunch of assholes. i didnt want to be like the blue devils, so i accepted their friend requests. i didnt expect them to start posting on everything on my facebook, but they did. and im trying my best to be somewhat polite and answer back.

look, you stabbed me in the heart, and that can heal and i can live through that. just stop twisting the knife please.... i beg you

live to die another day

that's kindof how i feel now. i remembered the doctor looked at me a little funny, but i forget that people die while they have the flu. its actually not that uncommon. it scares me a little. i have been sooooooooo dehydrated lately my routine is medicine, finish a bottled water, get a nosebleed, do it all over again. i am scared, and i know im suppose to be a manly man, but shit like this is scare, i dont care how manly you are.

so we talked yesterday.... A LOT. dont get me wrong, i liked it....kinda.... i mean, i liked most of it. the problem was that i was using my normal conversational skills with her (aka flirting a hell of a lot) and she would change the subject to colby. i mean, its hard to picture them together, but its even harder to imagine him all up in that. im not saying that she is going to let him do that, but im also not saying that he is just going to hold her hand and kiss her on the cheek as this relationship goes. and by that i mean, i dont even have a good guess of how long that thing is going to last. oh i need to clear something up.

the reasons i quit corps go as follows:

1. my mind could not handle the pressure
2. my hands could not perform at that level on that instrument yet.
3. too much time in the hot sun.
4. too much time period....i want to see my friends.

you see my little flower blossem (is that a better name or should be go back to the old one?), no offense, but you are number 4 on the list. dont think that i just quit corps to be with you. and in my book, being with you no matter how many people are there is absolutly fine with me. you wouldnt have to lie to your paretns if you said im going to see a movie with my friends because you will....you just "didnt realize" that you told me your movie plans the night before and never invited me but i invited myself. but, that plan will have to wait for now.....

and i hope she was serious about one of the texts she sent me yesterday. it gave me so much hope i triple locked the sucker down and it isnt going away soon. it went a little something like this.

me: hey, if im a great best friend for you right now in your time of need, do you promise to give me a second chance you and colby have tried this relationship and have broken up?

her: yes

(cue heart melts to goo puddle, little flower blossem, you might want to check a pair of your jeans (remember, thats were my heart is (in your back pocket (maybe? (who knows, she might have forgotten (you know, this would suck if it was an alegebra problem (....... (find x))))))))

you cant really beat 8 parenthesis, so what are you gonna do now son! So i made a pact with myself last night.... im going to be the best best friend she ever had....so much, we will be bfff (best f*#&ing friends forever) and i need her help. i hearby swear to listen and not expload on whatever the topic may be. you can try me....talk about colby and i will listen...talk about him getting all up in there and i will recommend you dont do it (i heard complaints from katie weinman (next time colby, use 2 fingers, not 4 (ouch))), but i will be there for you. in return, i need you to help me and actually talk to me as your best friend and (no offense) best lover (because we both know its true). i love you baby, but i love you enough to let colby have the stage long enough to taste the limelight, but in the end, im sure i will live in it. yeah, i think ill leave on that epic note

chris parker

y olive soup

day....well it doesnt even matter anymore now does it

what i mean by the title is simply this: it doesnt matter when the 40 days end, all i know is that i can only be her best friend. i know that sounds very selfish of me and i apologize for that, but i use to be her entire world, and i really liked that. enough of my sorrow, lets talk about my day.

i am pumped with so many drugs, i dont even know how im writing this right now...its basically a miricle. they have me on 2 special flu drugs, a cough supressent, and i have to take ibuprofin and tylonol...and lots of it too. in the end of 1 day, (assuming i am awake for only 12 hours instead of a usual 16) i will have had 1200 miligrams of ibuprofin, 2000 miligrams of tylonol, two of each of the flu pills, and 4 tbs of the cough supressent. on top of that, im drinking so much water, i basically have to pee every 30 minutes, and thats the exercise i get for the day. my mother showed me a little bit of my SAPA show....she said we looked a lot better, but i thought we sucked. maybe i need someone to be a tie breaker.......

odyssey still wants me to go down to rehersal this weekend, and basically sit on the sidelines. thats great and all, i just dont know where i will stay so that i dont contaminate others with this disease, because i know the last thing they want is for the week of dayton, 4 people on the snare line come down with the flu (you see, we reherse at a christian school, and they dont approve of us spending the night there since there are girls in the line too, so we have to stay at the local drummers houses, and the house i stay at is almost the entire snare line is there, so yeah thats what i meant by that). that really sucks a lot. my teachers seem to be understanding about my breakdown, and they want to help as much as they can. one of the teachers is going to let me re-take quizes, even though on his syllabus (i really dont know how to spell that) said some thing like this

THERE WILL BE NO MAKE UP WORK.....EVER!

So yeah, he is a cool guy. it makes me happy. well, back to bed. you know that whole flu thing kinda sortof sucks! im formulating what songs shall go on my new cd. but in the meantime....

chris parker

y olive soup

a new beginning

i must say, this is a new step for us. i was quite surprised when she started texting me after she got her phone back, and thus why this whole blog has been barely touched, but now that she needs to stop texting, i feel....lonely again. i know she still cares about me and that she loves and thinks about me all the time, but without her "next" to me (texting is the closest we get these days) during the day, i feel like im battling my problems alone. i know my battle isnt as bad as hers, but im worried about mine. i have to call her parents and just simply say im sorry and hope for the best. i can't demand that they let me and mary date, and im not even sure if i should bring that up on easter weekend, but i do know that its going to be hard and really scary for me. i try to hid it for mary, since she is scared i feel like i have to step in and say thats its all going to be alright. but there are times when i do doubt that. i mean, if the worst that happens is that they say that they never want to speak with me again, what are we suppose to do? i am never letting go of mary, so its marrying her or bust, because i know my wife would not appreciate me loving another woman other than her. will she be willing to leave her family behind for me? i just dont know. percussion stuff is as hard as ever, and im not sure if i want to do corps or indoor ever again actually. in retrospect, its not at all worth all of the hassle, but im debating if im going to be stupid or not this summer. please read and write back soon....because i miss you already.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day......whatever

well, the days are just meshing together. i dont know what to really say on these. my days are getting super busy, basically because eric gave me a bunch of things to do. last semester, i had my shit together, and this semester, he gives me more because he believes that i can do it, but now i have to do odyssey, spirit and so many papers its not even funny. well, im drowing, but i believe that if i keep my head up, things will turn around for me and i will be just fine. i hope that you are doing just fine baby. i love you, a whole lot, and i hope that you realize it.

day 29

well, tody was just an interesting day. basically, herman (my band director) told me "this better be your last time doing WGI. dude, i just wanted to yell "fuck no herman". after spartenburg, i am never giving this up. you will have to drag me away from WGI if you want me to give it up early, especially with my future plans of where and what im going to march. (ill give you a hint, its going to make you really wet). well, by the time you read this, you will realize that i came home. i hope you had fun while i was home, and i hoped i plesantly surprised you. well, im super tired, so im going to get some sleep. 6 hours on the road is never easy on the body.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day 27 and 28

so i am really sorry, but college is getting really busy so i am having trouble getting all of my writing in. i will try to make this a long one since SHE always writes wonderful entries (stupid over achiever. love you). basically, college is this crazy idea that they will throw SO much information at you, you just have to retain some of it. not neccessarily all of it, but at least some of it. so when the music program excpects you to know about 300% more than your average college kid, your head very well might expload. so many people quit within the first year, its like not even funny. It's some hard shit that I have to go through to get a job that will pay little to nothing. basically, i know i won't be the one "bringing home the bacon". that's where hopefully she will come in to play. i have been thinking about the future a lot more now then i have been in a while. i used to be afraid of it, you know, having to actually work every day and having to be responsible for EVERYTHING and getting old and such, but with her in my life, i know its not going to be a big deal anymore. i actually enjoy thinking about how our lives are going to play out, because i know that we will be together no matter what goes down. all im worried about is what she decides to do about school. honestly, i would love for her to come to tennessee tech, since its awesome and such. she doesnt believe me, and i can understand that. people always underappreciate this school, but we get more jobs than "the other tennessee school" and our teachers here are like the best around. but then i heard she wants to go to clemson. CLEMSON?!?!?!?! thats in south carolina. that means we would have to wait at least 6 years to really be together, because i have a feeling if i get a job, it won't be in south carolina. but then again, who am i to say what she can and can't do. whenever i was making my college decision, she never pressured me to go to UT or something like that, so why should i pressure her to go to tennessee tech. i just hope that she thinks about all the variables when it comes to college, even the small one about me and her. if she wants this to work and she wants to get married quickly and start becoming the baby making machine (and don't lie to yourself, you know you want to start as soon as you can), then maybe she should think about a tennessee school. well, i better go, im technically in my english class chilling on the computer, so i will write to you later.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

this is way over due, day 23 or something

So, I havent posted anything in ages. basically, I have been super busy, and this has been the last thing on my mind. i went home and saw my baby, and boy did that make me feel good. when i saw her and her face lit up when she saw me, i knew she was going to stay with me.....forever. she is just the most wonderful person you could ever ask for. i mean, we obviously have our differences, but there is nothing wrong with that at all right? i like every day being a new adventure for us, it makes life a lot more enjoyable. so, we spent time together over the weekend, and we even got a little close for comfort (but not too close right? :p) i absolutly loved every minute together, and i believe spring break went by too quickly. it saddens me that when i go home, i will have less than 3 weeks together before corps comes and takes me away. that is assuming i still do corps. the front tech shot me an email sounding pretty ticked when i didnt go to the last rehersal weekend. so, i dont know whats going down, but whatever. i need to give him a call anyways. just like my concert band director at school. i still need to talk to him about going to world and missing only ONE of his precious rehersals with me sitting in the back literally doing nothing. oh well, such is life. i went to odyssey this weekend, and we made some serious changes. its the shit now. like, we added a lot more acting, and our "performing faces" at the end are just rediculous. our 5th bass will get out of his holding attention stance and just pump the crowd up. then, everyone started doing it when they could, and now, our 4th movement just looks like a big celebration on the floor....and it should. the instructors love it, and we all love to march and play it. its one of those moments where i wish south could see how much we want them to perform, so that they can understand what we mean by it and how good it looks when you make your performance 700% of what you think it should be. so, i heard that she forgot to give me my bracelet, but it might be all good, because i am going to be home for easter break, so maybe i can see her there and she can give it to me there. who knows......

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day 17

today was a bad day as well. i missed two classes and it made me feel sad. so i did something crazy today....i went to gatlinburg. no reason. i just went. it made me realize how beautiful it was and i thought of her. i told myself that we will go there together, and it will be awesome. (and the REAL gatlinburg, none of that pigion forge crap). I hope she knows that i still love her, and as long as she knows that, then i think we are on our way to being together. i hope she finds a way to talk to me on saturday, God knows i need it. well its going to have to be a short blog, because its late and i REALLY need sleep. oh, i tried making a hemp bracelet, and i failed misribly. it was awful. it looked like a mangled piece of rope with beads crudely thrown on there. it makes me feel even worse that the one thing my girl wants, i cant deliver......

chris parker

P.S. i love you

day 16

i dont know what i can do. i frankly dont see victory at the end of the tunnel. i wonder even if these 40 days go by, will anything change from how it is now? travis might corner me into promising to respect her parents wishes, in which case, they have won. maybe thats what they want. maybe they truly know the game better than i ever will. maybe the person reading this is scared out of her mind, and she should be. we are neck high in shit right now, and i dont know if this is what she truly wants. her parents are making her go through hell just to even think about me, and i dont know how strong she really is. im starting to crack, i can feel it. not my love her, absolutly not, but my faith. how can i be so sure we will get our happy ending? every day it seems to get worse, and now i just feel defeated. i hate this. i hope i will see her again, or all of this pain will be for not.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day 15

So, today was a pretty good day. I performed my snare solo, and people were like "sweet, that was awesome!" I need to start going to bed sooner, because im getting really tired really quickly. I feel like shit, because my life is super boring in college, and i dont have much to write about, but she writes like a lot everyday. dont get me wrong, i love reading her blog. its the best part of my day. i look foreward to reading it every day. i will usually check it about 3 times a day until i see that she has actually posted and replied to my posts. I hope she understands how great she is. she is risking all of this just for me. im so happy that i still get to know whats going on in her life. i hope she just knows my life is music, music, and a little bit more music. i played piano today, and it made me think of her. it made me so happy (unitl i started screwing it up really bad). then i saw a sunset, and i just missed her like nothing else. the beauty of the sunset reminded me so much of her. the red of her skin when i make her blush and just the beauty when the lights reflect of the clouds are just like her. it made me so happy. and im happy that she is supper happy. i cant wait to see her this weekend. i hope she feels the same way.

oh, pick two playlists, and then i will finish the CD off.

Chris Parker

P.S. i love you

day 14

Well, today was a pretty productive day. I had an hour lesson, and my instructor wants me to perform a snare solo and put it on youtube, so we will see how that goes tomorrow. I completely failed my harmony test, and that was a little bit sad. On the plus side, I wrote 2 papers today and created a playlist for my music appreciation class. which gave me an idea. i wonder if she would like a mixed CD of the music i listen to in college. i dont know if she does, but i will put the playlist names with the number of songs on them if she wants to have a CD of just one long playlist of several playlist. well, ill post them at the end, so if you want to have a CD when i get back, you should reply. yeah. go team. and if i get on youtube, i will send you the link so you can see your "special boy" be cool and awesome. well, i dont really know what else to say thats going on in my life. im starting to formulate what im going to write in my letter to her mother. and i have several ideas, so its going alright i guess. well, lets get to the playlist ideas

?Uestlove on Soul- 4 songs

Air Guitar- 19 songs

Ballads- 5 songs

Basement Jaxx on Dance- 1 song

Beenie Man on Reggae- 3 songs

Best of 21st Centruy So Far...- 11 songs

Blues- 3 songs

Bob Dylan- 6 songs

Chilling Out- 5 songs

Cover Versions- 6 songs

Dave Grohl on Metal- 5 songs

Duets- 3 songs

Electronica- 2 songs

Epics- 8 songs

Funk- 2 songs

Getting Wasted- 5 songs

Girls and Boys- 2 songs

Hip Hop- 3 songs

Indie- 2 songs

Instrumentals- 4 songs

Jazz- 1 song

Jeremy Vine on Indie- 2 songs

Katie Melua on Easy Listening- 2 songs

Lost Tracks- 3 songs

Lucinda Williams on Country- 1 song

Metal- 13 songs

On a Downer- 4 songs

On the Move- 5 songs

One Hit Wonders- 10 songs

Pop- 10 songs

Radiohead- 1 song

Short & To The Point- 1 song

Singer Songwriters- 5 songs

Soul- 2 songs

The Clash- 2 songs

The Perfect 10- 6 songs

Tim Rice-Oxley on Pop- 2 songs

Travis barker on Punk- 2 songs

U2- 4 songs

well thats a lot to choose from, but i hope you find something that you really want, and i hope to have a CD for you soon.

oh, and dont forget, you are my number 1 girl, and i love you with all of my heart.

chris parker

P.S. I love you

day 13

We had a full run today. it was pretty sweet. like, when i mean a full run, we had visuals everywhere, and acting, and our music was pretty clean. i think we are going to impress people next weekend. the only thing we might be missing is the prop, because it is unstable and it might kill someone, and that would be bad. well its late, but i need to go to bed. but before i go, you know what im going to say. she is great and amazing, and she can't be replaced ever. i dont plan to replace here, so i will get her no matter what. i love her......more than she does. HA!

chris parker

P.S. i love you

day 12

well this post will have to be short. im at odyssey and i need to go to bed. rehersal was hard today. its was also 14 hours (no more do i want to hear complaints of a 10 hour rehersal date...cough cough...a select few members of souths drumline and mainly front ensemble...cough cough). the whole show is on the floor. the only thing we are missing is our prop, and its being made so that its actually safe. the ending is at 190, and im taking about 7 steps and going 10 yards...while crabbing....at 190. i have marched for 4 years, and never EVER have i had a move quite like this one. (look for it, its when we really crank up the tempo, and trust me, you'll know when the big move is). after running throught the 4th movement, i just know people are going to be surprised at what they see. we are playing some cool suff, our show concept is ballin, and our drill is re-dick. as i said in the blog before, all i want is for mary to be impressed with what i do. i hope that she really is just awestuck and for the longest time, she can't believe her (shoot, i forgot your sexy nickname for me.....dang, we will just go with) baby is on that floor. im soooooo tired, and odyssey actually did put me in a good mood. we got a lot of work done, and i know by tomorrow, we will be ready for WGI, and we are going to tear the roof off. we will make people stand up and applaude for us, because that's how we roll. i hope my baby is out there figuring out the best she can who she is, and what she is suppose to do. i will be behind her no matter what (maybe not happily, but i will stand behind her), and i hope she knows that. i pray for her every night, for wisdom to see the right path, and for courage to take it. i hope she feel the imaginary kiss i blew in her general direction right now as she reads this super secret blog, and i hope she can hear me wisper in her ear

"darling i wish you were here" (yeah, that is vanilla twilight. chris ftw)

Chris Parker

P.S. I love you

day 11

today was bar none, the worst day i can remember. basically, shit was just piled on top of me until i was neck deep in it. well, its a blog, so i guess i should just tell you how the day went. well, i went to my 8 am class and i just had a quiz. it wasnt bad, but the day was just going to get worse. my director gave me an email saying to meet him in his office at 10 to talk about world championships. you see, world is on a friday, and that is a class day, and thus i would have to miss his class. i told him that i got a person to sub for me on that day and that he would cover my part, but all he said was he just wants me to know where my priorites are. but i dont think he understands that i have dreamed of this chance for a lot longer than me dreaming of being a music major. all he said was, let me do some schedule stuff, and lets talk after spring break. im afraid of what he might do. 2 years ago, a guy in our percussion section made MCM, and he did it for about half the season. then the director moved the concert date to the same date as world champioships just because he wanted that drummer to himself. well, the director now knows the date of champioships, and im worried. i got to symphony band, and i started feeling really bad. i was really out of it, and i was doing stupid shit like dropping sticks and stuff. then i would do stupid stuff like skip measures and misread time signatures. then the worst cam up. he asked us to play the second song, and i realized that i didnt have my hi hats. you see, our set up changes every day because we play different songs on different days. well, i forgot that i played hi hat, so when he said go to the second song, i realized that i didnt set them up. i walked briskly to the drum closet where the stand and hats were. the director saw me, and just started staring, and so did everyone else. he pointed to the piccolo player and said "she has her stuff together, why doesnt the percussion section?" it made me feel like shit, especially since someone moved the hi hat somewhere else, so it took another five minutes for me to set up. after i finally got them in the room and set them up, and looked up to see his stare. he was just enjoying my pain and suffering. he looked me in the eye and asked "are you SURE your ready?" I said yes sir, and we started. we didnt even go over the hi hat part of the song.

it took all of my strength to not cry during that class. afterwards i just broke down. i hated the class. the man made me do something i never wanted to happen. i hated music in his class. i began to realize that i hated music when he is making me do it. i cant lose my passion for music, but im afraid its slipping away. after the class, i cut my hand open on a stand. it really hurt. and then i got a really bad nosebleed. this day couldnt get worse.

but it did. as i was on my way to atlanta, i got pulled over. i was going 68 in a 55 because i was mad at life. i have to go to court that is 100 miles from tennessee tech in a month and i might have to pay a fine or go to driving school. but whatever it is, its going to suck. but yeah, my day got as bad as i could have gotten.

well, at least i have her. she is actually the reason im alive right now. i thought about driving off the road and hitting the pedal to the metal, but then i remembered her. i realized i do have something to live for. its her. my priority is to make her happy, and if i offed myself, i would be failing my task. so good job mary, you win. and thank you.

you know what i really hope. i really hope people see my show on saturday and realize how hard i worked on this. it has been so hard on me, and i dont thing people realize how much this has taken out of me. it is very hard. the hardest thing i have done ever. EVER!! and the only reward i will get out of this is going to world championships and making the people in my high school see me as a hero. especially my girl. i hope she likes the show. every second of it. i hope she sees it and is blown away. well, i hope odyssey puts me back in the mood tomorrow. goodness knows i need to get in a better mood. oh, and just in case she didnt get the subtle hint. i love you mary collins.

Chris Parker

P.S. I love you

day 10

I see her today. i skipped some classes and drove 200 miles to get there, but i wanted to prove to her something. that no matter what, i WILL be there fore her. it was hard to not just adore her the whole rehersal, but i had to remain professional, and it kinda sucked. i love my new percussion toys, they are just wonderful. guess what happened back at tech while i was gone. a HUGE fight broke out between the percussion section. apparently someone left a drumset where they shouldnt have and someone got ticked off and told the director to make him move it. long story short, sides were taken, and things got ungly. shots below the belts were taken. actually that is an understatement. they got a bear trap and ripped their balls off below the belt style. yeah, it was aweful. but apparently, a text just said that everything is fine. so thats good. im getting my knife soon, im super excited. and i have two papers due on tuesday, a lesson on monday, and then spirit on sunday. yeah, im a little over-booked. it makes me sad. but oh well, that is the life of a music major i guess. i cant wait till my baby sees me at spartenburg. she is going to freak, and be so proud that her love is out on that floor. i was proud of her group today. for the first time in a while, i saw people excited about their show, and really performing. sure there are issues with being out of step and the hands aren't good yet, but they have crossed a huge hurdle by simply adding energy to the show. an average person watching them perform would have absolutly loved their last run through, and that is better than no one liking the show right? well i hope that they see that, and that will inspire them to work all the way till the end. she also brought up the abstinence issue we are having. well, i am a little confused. as she said "chris, you will always be the bad boy in my life, and there is nothing you can do to stop it." am i suppose to make this good girl go bad (forgive the music reference) or should i respect her wish. maybe i should secretly seduce her and let her make the first move if the mood gets too hot for her. i think we should do that, but i want to hear her input. well its late. i need to go to bed. i hope she loves me as mush as i love her. i cant wait till i see them again

Chris Parker

P.S. I love you

day 9

So, she called today, and it completly caught me off gaurd. she was soooo cute and being all dangerous. it makes me appreciate how great she is. as for school, it sucks balls. im sleeping in a bit too much, and i have missed a few of my classes, but i think i can pull it off. i hate the annotated bibliography. its the stupidest assigment for the stupidest class in the whole world. there is absolutly no point. and i hate. just to reiterate, i hate my english class. on the other hand, i love choir. its great. we are singing some sweet shit, and i love it love it love it! i will have to sing change in my life to my special someone (wink, wink) hopefully she will like it. well, its late, so im going to be. goodnight my someone.....

Christopher Michael Parker

p.s. i love you

day 8

So, she got a blog. it makes me quite happy. i really need to stop staying up this late, but i have to practice for everything. im in the 2 hardest ensembles in the studio, plus lessons, plus odyssey stuff, plus spirit stuff, and i have to have time to do homework and school and such. its just going to be a hard to weeks on my body. i love every second of this music major life though. but what i love more is her. she backed me up 100% on the decision to do corps, and now that she has, i am much more confident in doing it this summer. though its going to be hard on me too. i think about her all of the time, and when im not thinking/dreaming about her, my heart throbs for her. i cant wait to see her again and to actually talk to her as well. i dont know when this will happen, but i do know that when the time comes, i will be so so happy. and in case she is reading this, i love you with ever fiber of my being. you make my busy shitty life worth living, and i can't wait to hug you and show you affection again, only this time, im never letting go.

yours truely,

chris parker

p.s. i still love you

Essay 2 sources

http://www.oregoncounseling.org/ArticlesPapers/Documents/DifferencesMenWomen.htm

http://www.mastersofhealthcare.com/blog/2009/10-big-differences-between-mens-and-womens-brains/

http://scienceblogs.com/cortex/2009/03/men_vs_women.php

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200308/advice-men-vs-women

httThe social psychology of gender : how power and intimacy shape gender relations / Laurie A. Rudman, Peter Glick.

p://www.steadyhealth.com/articles/Difference_between_male_and_female_structures__mental_and_physical__a613_f0.html

Feminism : opposing viewpoints / [edited by] Andrea Hinding.

Communicating gender diversity : a critical approach / Victoria Pruin DeFrancisco and Catherine Helen Palczewski.

Why men are the way they are : the male-female dynamic / Warren Farrell.

day 3....and 4 and 5....and 6

Well if we want to get technical, this is also day 7, but whatever. So i was soooo happy to hear that my best friend and my love DOES still love me and she says she will at the end of these 40 days. the only thing is, when i ask her, she seems hesitant about it, like she is not too sure. that scares me a little, because i think they believe that we will just go away, and never come back together. because you see, they now think we are hormone drivin teenagers, and we are just together because we like the sex. but what they don't understand, is there is way more than that. i certainly believe so, and i hope she does too. but if it was just for the sex, i would not be writing this blog right now. i hope that one day, she will read our facebook thread and see what i have put on to this small blog. i hope she does. i just want to know that she will love me no matter what. i know her parents want her to never see me again, but i have a plan. i might say it, but for right now, im a little tired and i dont feel like writing so much this evening. instead, lets talk about odyssey.

i hope that she will like the show. its super hard, and thus its a little dirty. to me, im afraid that people will hear it and lose respect for me, or maybe its just my ears have gotten a lot better since i have left high school. i hope its the second, i really do. my uniform is pretty sweet. its black pants and a red shirt, but much more complex than that. its hard to describe, but it fits the show, so i like it. i hope....oh how do i say this without sounding creepy...im just going to say it. i hope she sees the show, and then she like (KEY WORD THERE IS LIKE) worships me because she thinks i look sooo good/she knows that she loves him and i love her. i hope she knows about all of the hard word that i put into this show and that it pays off when i hear her say at the truck after finals (wink wink, you can't miss it, its big and white..... ;) tehe) and just say "that was amazing. i can't believe i know you much less the fact that we are in love right now" oh, bad news must come now

Spirit called and begged me to do it. They offered a vibe and maybe a marimba spot, and and i think im going to do it. right now, she is either a)proud that i am following my dream or b)sad that we get to hand out in the summer or c)both. im going to guess c, but here is my logic behind doing corps this summer. i will (hopefully) have many summers with her, but i only have 3 left for corps. i love her, and i hope that she knows that she is always on my mind. but i also have to think about my future. corps looks good on a resume, and i will have a little bit of the end of the summer to hang out with her. plus, that should be more pride to her for the fact that she is dating a man in corps (because a man in a uniform is always hot). but there is another option. she could take a break for the summer if she wanted to. i would understand, because women like attention just above chocolate and teddy bears. its the truth. and a whole summer without a guy there to hang out would be pretty hard on her. i couldnt call everyday for hours on end, i couldnt really contact her much at all. (maybe a few texts a day, but that would be it). its hard for me to say, but i do believe that this decision is for the best. but i hope whoever is reading this will reply. just get a blog, its free. and please comment, i would like to know the feedback of what my writing is coming across like.

well thats all for now. talk to you soon.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day 2

Well today i learned what i must do. Its going to be tough, but I must be strong. I thought about just giving up and just going at it with some other girl. I could just have sex all the time and just make it a lot easier. but i realized i dont want easier. i want mary. thats all. and i know that im going to fight for her for as long as i can. i know she will to, so therefor, her is my message to the world.

"you can not stop us, you can not change us, and you will never separate us. we will make it no matter what."

so take that world. and if you ever read this mary....

i love you

day 1

Today on February 17, I am starting an adventure. It's Ash Wednsday, and I believe my girlfriend gave up one of the hardest things in the world: her love. Her love for a guy. A guy she said she would die for. A man that is her whole world, and she wants to prove it in some way form or fashion. She gave up me. Normally, I would be worried that she would like some other guy (not going to mention names.....cough cough brad cough cough), but I trust her. You see I love her too. More than people understand or believe. You see, I was an idiot at one point in time. I broke up with her out of fear. I was afraid that I was throwing my life away. I wanted to be the guy that got the ladies in college, but why should I want that. If I had my dream girl in my arms, why did I let her go. Sin tempted me and won, as I lost one of the greatest aspects of my life. She never left though. She knew that we were meant to be. She held on whenever I didn't want her to, and I teased her saying maybe it would all be worth it. One day in december, I realized I was oh so wrong. I saw her and realized that I needed her just as much as she claimed she needed me. She begged for a second chance, and who was I to deny that to her. It turned out to be the best second chance I have given her yet. Unfortuantly, her parents are not too fond of me. They don't want her to be with me, so we have to stay silent about our love. People won't believe us, but we do not care. Because when your in love, you do anything for that one person. I believe that is what Travis told her to do today. You see, she spoke with travis (her youth minister) today, and all I know is she is not allowed to talk to me for at least 40 days. I called and messaged travis, but so far, no information about details have reached my ear. I am guessing it has to do with lent. You know, giving up what you love the most. Maybe he believes I am evil, or maybe it is a test of if we can last. But one thing is for sure, I'm ready. I believe that my baby can do it, and I will too. I would wait 4o years if I knew at the end of the road, she would be there, ready to hug me and dig her head into my shoulder. If only she knew, that is the greatest feeling a guy can have. Its not sex, it's not making out or touching, its when you hold the one you love, and you heart is beating so loud, she can hear it beat her name. That is a timeless moment that every guy should feel. It is what I look foreward to whenever I see her. I want to make her happy, for as long as I live. If this 40 day trial will make her feel happy, then I will endure. But I want her to see what I feel for these 4o days. Since we are not allowed to communicate, I have created this blog so she can see what I feel for every single day that we are apart. Enough with the intro, lets do this thing

day 1

Well, today is d day. The day that she told me with a few select words that we would not be speaking for a while. It came as a blow to me, and I read the letter several times to make sure I was correct in what it said. But I know now that she is hurt. I know that she is longing to talk to me like I long to talk to her. I feel her pain. I LITERALLY feel it. I believe that we are connected without technology. I have known her for so long and our love is so strong, I feel her with me now. I know she is saying "It's just 40 days Chris, you can do it. And baby, I love you". It keeps me strong when I am weak. She was the rock in my life (besides my Lord, Jesus Christ), and someone I could always depend on. But for her, I will do anything. It reminds me of a song.

Your skin, oh yes your skin and bones turn into to something beautiful. And you know, you know I love you so.

You know I love you so.

Mary Collins, hopefully one day you will read this, and like I am now, you will cry tears of joy. It will be a long road ahead of me, but I am ready. I can't wait to see you

Sincerely,

Christopher Michael Parker

P.S. I love you

Steven, Levitt, and Dubner, Stephen. "Trading Up: Where Do Baby Names Come From?" Convergences. Ed. Robert Atwan. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2009. 119-123. Print.

"Why Middle Names Are Important." FamilyEducation.com Pearson Education, n.d. Web. 7 February 2010

Parker, Michelle. Personal interview. 25 Jan. 2010

What is in a name essay

Have you ever wondered how names came around? How did it come to be that names were given and how why we do this today instead of some advance labeling system? Maybe the reason is the connection that our parents get to name us and thus creates a special bond. But why do our parents name us certain names and how do they decide? Some parents like the history and meanings of certain names. Others may like the fact that they believe that the names have a touch of destiny in them. Possibly, some parents just like certain names. But no matter how you look at it, your parents named you for a reason. Maybe its time to ask your self why are you named the way you are.

One of the most important parts of your name is your last name. It tells a story of who your ancestors were, and where they came from. You can learn the struggles they to face, all from that simple yet powerful name. My family's last name is Parker. Technically, my dad is a Herlihy, but my mother kept her maiden name and thus I got my mothers last name. My fathers last name comes from an Irish word Iarfhlaith’ which means lord of the west. My surname however means something different and somewhat funny. Parker is English, and it was a name for gameskeeper employed in a medievel park. It came from the agent derivitive of parc. From this, I can clearly see that my family, was from the Great Britain area, and I learned later that I had great grandparents who lived through the Great Potatoe Famine of Ireland and thus moved to America for a new hope.

Middle names on the other hand are a different story. Some people wonder "What is even teh point of a middle name?" Mainly, its for the kids. As Family Education has stated "Not giving your child a middle name can set him or her apart from the rest of the kids" (Family Education). And even if thats not the case, maybe when they grow older they will want to go by something else. For example, my middle name is Michael, which means who is like God, which is understandable considering that Michael is the archangel (the leader of the angel army, and the one who will kill the dragon according to Revelations). I never really went by Michael because it was popular in my elementary school, and I really like my first name.

And now for the big one: the first name. First names can mean a lot, when you first meet someone, you know their first name, and from that moment you already start to draw conclusions about the person. I have a friend named Konstantine who when you hear that, you think insane manly man or geeky math nerd. But sometimes names can fool you, because he is just a music major. My first name is Christopher. It comes from the Greek word Khristophoros. It has two parts to it: the first part Kristos means Christ and the Pherein means to bear. Early christians therefore were named Christopher for the metorphorical fact that they bore jesus in their hearts. Christopher is also the name of an early saint who bore the theoritical

But maybe, just maybe, a name is something more than a labeling system. People back in the dark ages use to believe that names have power. If you were a general named Michael like the archangel, leader of the angels, then you were known for your leadership and power. But does that apply to our society now? In a way it does. In the words of Levitt and Dubner "Once a name catches on among high-income, highly educated parents, it starts working its way down the the socioeconomic ladder" (119). So what does that mean exactly? Basically, names are created by people looking up to successful and powerful people. If we see upper families start to name their kids Emily, then Emily is the new hit sensation. It trickles down through the families until the upper class people see the "filthy" lower class named the same as them, then they start another name. Parents honestly believe that a successful life can start with a successful name. And I can understand that. If I am running a job interview for a big corporation, and someone named Storm came in and wanted a job as a CEO, I would be a little reluctant to give him the job. Therefore parents also want to give a name thats professional so that their child has every chance in the world to succeed. Thats all parents ever want for their kids anyways.

Even with the proffessional sounding names and the history behind the names, there are still thousands of names to choose from. How do our parents just decide on two? Well I can't say for everyone's parents, but I know what was the tie breaker for my name. My parents like three syllable names. It was as simple as that. They choose Christopher for the history of the saint and of the meaning and they thought it had a "melodical touch" to it. The other choices were Nicholas for a boy and Kimberly if I was a girl (which is the name of my little sister)

A name can be as simple as a label to a person, or as complicated as the future. But one thing is for sure: names are unique, and through their uniqueness comes individuality. Our parents may just get lucky with the names, or maybe the names actually reflect the person. One thing is for sure though, they choose the names for important reasons and don't throw names around like they are nothing. Names are very powerful words, and powerful words can impact human life forever.