The First Date

today, i woke up late because i stayed up late last night. i havent had my meds in a while, and i probably need to get that taken care of.....(a few moments later (in spongebob narrorator voice)) that was good. ok. so i will addmit, i am getting jealous. well, its hard not to you see. when we WERE dating, mary told me i wasnt protective enough, so i decided that she was my territory and no one else was going to have her. she liked that, but now that she is dating other guys, i am still protective of her. i think deep down, she is also jealous. when other high school girls started flirting with me on facebook, she attacked me and started using the jealousy she had and twisted it to try and make me jealous. it was a bad situation. we are over it now, so lets just move on.

sometimes i feel like she is moving herself away from me on purpose. is she afraid to get too close to me? is she worried that i will pull her back in? but all i kow is that she is slowly cutting me out of the situation, i can tell. i know she thinks that we are just being friends and thats why im becoming less important in her life, but even in our conversations, she doesnt seem to care about me. i know it sounds selfish, and i know she says that she is the one who has the most problems, but now the tables have turned. now im one with a lot of problems too, and i feel like she either doesnt know that they are there, or she doesnt care about them. i mean, im not saying she needs to drop all of her problems and ignore her boyfriend just to ask how my fever has been doing in the past 30 seconds, but an occassional "are you ok today?" question would make me feel like she actually does care about me.

which brings me to this point right here. i know you are confused and you dont know what to do, but you know who you care about. i hope that i am in that group of people you care about and i hope that you would want to know if they are hurting or not. if i am not in that group of people whom you care about, then i dont need to be your best friend or anything, and i just need to go. it will kill me for a while, but not as badly as me holding on to someone who doesnt care about you.

i am not suggesting that you dont care about me. i know that you have a lot on your plate, and i know times are getting rough for you. i will do my best to clear my end of the plate with me and your mother, but i just need to know that you think i am an important aspect of your life. when we text, its like you dont even want to text me, your just doing it so you dont feel bad. or maybe colby is working and you are trying to make me your "boyfriend", but not really because he has asked you out already (and via text? really colby? come on man you have to do better than that). i dont know the full situation. all i know is this: with all of the one word texts and all the ttyl's and texting lingo, it seems like you dont want to talk to me and when you do, you wanna talk about you and your problems of life. i would like for you to show an interest in my life, and if you dont want to, we need to seriously talk about that.

chris parker