a new beginning

i must say, this is a new step for us. i was quite surprised when she started texting me after she got her phone back, and thus why this whole blog has been barely touched, but now that she needs to stop texting, i feel....lonely again. i know she still cares about me and that she loves and thinks about me all the time, but without her "next" to me (texting is the closest we get these days) during the day, i feel like im battling my problems alone. i know my battle isnt as bad as hers, but im worried about mine. i have to call her parents and just simply say im sorry and hope for the best. i can't demand that they let me and mary date, and im not even sure if i should bring that up on easter weekend, but i do know that its going to be hard and really scary for me. i try to hid it for mary, since she is scared i feel like i have to step in and say thats its all going to be alright. but there are times when i do doubt that. i mean, if the worst that happens is that they say that they never want to speak with me again, what are we suppose to do? i am never letting go of mary, so its marrying her or bust, because i know my wife would not appreciate me loving another woman other than her. will she be willing to leave her family behind for me? i just dont know. percussion stuff is as hard as ever, and im not sure if i want to do corps or indoor ever again actually. in retrospect, its not at all worth all of the hassle, but im debating if im going to be stupid or not this summer. please read and write back soon....because i miss you already.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day......whatever

well, the days are just meshing together. i dont know what to really say on these. my days are getting super busy, basically because eric gave me a bunch of things to do. last semester, i had my shit together, and this semester, he gives me more because he believes that i can do it, but now i have to do odyssey, spirit and so many papers its not even funny. well, im drowing, but i believe that if i keep my head up, things will turn around for me and i will be just fine. i hope that you are doing just fine baby. i love you, a whole lot, and i hope that you realize it.

day 29

well, tody was just an interesting day. basically, herman (my band director) told me "this better be your last time doing WGI. dude, i just wanted to yell "fuck no herman". after spartenburg, i am never giving this up. you will have to drag me away from WGI if you want me to give it up early, especially with my future plans of where and what im going to march. (ill give you a hint, its going to make you really wet). well, by the time you read this, you will realize that i came home. i hope you had fun while i was home, and i hoped i plesantly surprised you. well, im super tired, so im going to get some sleep. 6 hours on the road is never easy on the body.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day 27 and 28

so i am really sorry, but college is getting really busy so i am having trouble getting all of my writing in. i will try to make this a long one since SHE always writes wonderful entries (stupid over achiever. love you). basically, college is this crazy idea that they will throw SO much information at you, you just have to retain some of it. not neccessarily all of it, but at least some of it. so when the music program excpects you to know about 300% more than your average college kid, your head very well might expload. so many people quit within the first year, its like not even funny. It's some hard shit that I have to go through to get a job that will pay little to nothing. basically, i know i won't be the one "bringing home the bacon". that's where hopefully she will come in to play. i have been thinking about the future a lot more now then i have been in a while. i used to be afraid of it, you know, having to actually work every day and having to be responsible for EVERYTHING and getting old and such, but with her in my life, i know its not going to be a big deal anymore. i actually enjoy thinking about how our lives are going to play out, because i know that we will be together no matter what goes down. all im worried about is what she decides to do about school. honestly, i would love for her to come to tennessee tech, since its awesome and such. she doesnt believe me, and i can understand that. people always underappreciate this school, but we get more jobs than "the other tennessee school" and our teachers here are like the best around. but then i heard she wants to go to clemson. CLEMSON?!?!?!?! thats in south carolina. that means we would have to wait at least 6 years to really be together, because i have a feeling if i get a job, it won't be in south carolina. but then again, who am i to say what she can and can't do. whenever i was making my college decision, she never pressured me to go to UT or something like that, so why should i pressure her to go to tennessee tech. i just hope that she thinks about all the variables when it comes to college, even the small one about me and her. if she wants this to work and she wants to get married quickly and start becoming the baby making machine (and don't lie to yourself, you know you want to start as soon as you can), then maybe she should think about a tennessee school. well, i better go, im technically in my english class chilling on the computer, so i will write to you later.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

this is way over due, day 23 or something

So, I havent posted anything in ages. basically, I have been super busy, and this has been the last thing on my mind. i went home and saw my baby, and boy did that make me feel good. when i saw her and her face lit up when she saw me, i knew she was going to stay with me.....forever. she is just the most wonderful person you could ever ask for. i mean, we obviously have our differences, but there is nothing wrong with that at all right? i like every day being a new adventure for us, it makes life a lot more enjoyable. so, we spent time together over the weekend, and we even got a little close for comfort (but not too close right? :p) i absolutly loved every minute together, and i believe spring break went by too quickly. it saddens me that when i go home, i will have less than 3 weeks together before corps comes and takes me away. that is assuming i still do corps. the front tech shot me an email sounding pretty ticked when i didnt go to the last rehersal weekend. so, i dont know whats going down, but whatever. i need to give him a call anyways. just like my concert band director at school. i still need to talk to him about going to world and missing only ONE of his precious rehersals with me sitting in the back literally doing nothing. oh well, such is life. i went to odyssey this weekend, and we made some serious changes. its the shit now. like, we added a lot more acting, and our "performing faces" at the end are just rediculous. our 5th bass will get out of his holding attention stance and just pump the crowd up. then, everyone started doing it when they could, and now, our 4th movement just looks like a big celebration on the floor....and it should. the instructors love it, and we all love to march and play it. its one of those moments where i wish south could see how much we want them to perform, so that they can understand what we mean by it and how good it looks when you make your performance 700% of what you think it should be. so, i heard that she forgot to give me my bracelet, but it might be all good, because i am going to be home for easter break, so maybe i can see her there and she can give it to me there. who knows......

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day 17

today was a bad day as well. i missed two classes and it made me feel sad. so i did something crazy today....i went to gatlinburg. no reason. i just went. it made me realize how beautiful it was and i thought of her. i told myself that we will go there together, and it will be awesome. (and the REAL gatlinburg, none of that pigion forge crap). I hope she knows that i still love her, and as long as she knows that, then i think we are on our way to being together. i hope she finds a way to talk to me on saturday, God knows i need it. well its going to have to be a short blog, because its late and i REALLY need sleep. oh, i tried making a hemp bracelet, and i failed misribly. it was awful. it looked like a mangled piece of rope with beads crudely thrown on there. it makes me feel even worse that the one thing my girl wants, i cant deliver......

chris parker

P.S. i love you

day 16

i dont know what i can do. i frankly dont see victory at the end of the tunnel. i wonder even if these 40 days go by, will anything change from how it is now? travis might corner me into promising to respect her parents wishes, in which case, they have won. maybe thats what they want. maybe they truly know the game better than i ever will. maybe the person reading this is scared out of her mind, and she should be. we are neck high in shit right now, and i dont know if this is what she truly wants. her parents are making her go through hell just to even think about me, and i dont know how strong she really is. im starting to crack, i can feel it. not my love her, absolutly not, but my faith. how can i be so sure we will get our happy ending? every day it seems to get worse, and now i just feel defeated. i hate this. i hope i will see her again, or all of this pain will be for not.

chris parker

p.s. i love you

day 15

So, today was a pretty good day. I performed my snare solo, and people were like "sweet, that was awesome!" I need to start going to bed sooner, because im getting really tired really quickly. I feel like shit, because my life is super boring in college, and i dont have much to write about, but she writes like a lot everyday. dont get me wrong, i love reading her blog. its the best part of my day. i look foreward to reading it every day. i will usually check it about 3 times a day until i see that she has actually posted and replied to my posts. I hope she understands how great she is. she is risking all of this just for me. im so happy that i still get to know whats going on in her life. i hope she just knows my life is music, music, and a little bit more music. i played piano today, and it made me think of her. it made me so happy (unitl i started screwing it up really bad). then i saw a sunset, and i just missed her like nothing else. the beauty of the sunset reminded me so much of her. the red of her skin when i make her blush and just the beauty when the lights reflect of the clouds are just like her. it made me so happy. and im happy that she is supper happy. i cant wait to see her this weekend. i hope she feels the same way.

oh, pick two playlists, and then i will finish the CD off.

Chris Parker

P.S. i love you

day 14

Well, today was a pretty productive day. I had an hour lesson, and my instructor wants me to perform a snare solo and put it on youtube, so we will see how that goes tomorrow. I completely failed my harmony test, and that was a little bit sad. On the plus side, I wrote 2 papers today and created a playlist for my music appreciation class. which gave me an idea. i wonder if she would like a mixed CD of the music i listen to in college. i dont know if she does, but i will put the playlist names with the number of songs on them if she wants to have a CD of just one long playlist of several playlist. well, ill post them at the end, so if you want to have a CD when i get back, you should reply. yeah. go team. and if i get on youtube, i will send you the link so you can see your "special boy" be cool and awesome. well, i dont really know what else to say thats going on in my life. im starting to formulate what im going to write in my letter to her mother. and i have several ideas, so its going alright i guess. well, lets get to the playlist ideas

?Uestlove on Soul- 4 songs

Air Guitar- 19 songs

Ballads- 5 songs

Basement Jaxx on Dance- 1 song

Beenie Man on Reggae- 3 songs

Best of 21st Centruy So Far...- 11 songs

Blues- 3 songs

Bob Dylan- 6 songs

Chilling Out- 5 songs

Cover Versions- 6 songs

Dave Grohl on Metal- 5 songs

Duets- 3 songs

Electronica- 2 songs

Epics- 8 songs

Funk- 2 songs

Getting Wasted- 5 songs

Girls and Boys- 2 songs

Hip Hop- 3 songs

Indie- 2 songs

Instrumentals- 4 songs

Jazz- 1 song

Jeremy Vine on Indie- 2 songs

Katie Melua on Easy Listening- 2 songs

Lost Tracks- 3 songs

Lucinda Williams on Country- 1 song

Metal- 13 songs

On a Downer- 4 songs

On the Move- 5 songs

One Hit Wonders- 10 songs

Pop- 10 songs

Radiohead- 1 song

Short & To The Point- 1 song

Singer Songwriters- 5 songs

Soul- 2 songs

The Clash- 2 songs

The Perfect 10- 6 songs

Tim Rice-Oxley on Pop- 2 songs

Travis barker on Punk- 2 songs

U2- 4 songs

well thats a lot to choose from, but i hope you find something that you really want, and i hope to have a CD for you soon.

oh, and dont forget, you are my number 1 girl, and i love you with all of my heart.

chris parker

P.S. I love you