a new beginning

i must say, this is a new step for us. i was quite surprised when she started texting me after she got her phone back, and thus why this whole blog has been barely touched, but now that she needs to stop texting, i feel....lonely again. i know she still cares about me and that she loves and thinks about me all the time, but without her "next" to me (texting is the closest we get these days) during the day, i feel like im battling my problems alone. i know my battle isnt as bad as hers, but im worried about mine. i have to call her parents and just simply say im sorry and hope for the best. i can't demand that they let me and mary date, and im not even sure if i should bring that up on easter weekend, but i do know that its going to be hard and really scary for me. i try to hid it for mary, since she is scared i feel like i have to step in and say thats its all going to be alright. but there are times when i do doubt that. i mean, if the worst that happens is that they say that they never want to speak with me again, what are we suppose to do? i am never letting go of mary, so its marrying her or bust, because i know my wife would not appreciate me loving another woman other than her. will she be willing to leave her family behind for me? i just dont know. percussion stuff is as hard as ever, and im not sure if i want to do corps or indoor ever again actually. in retrospect, its not at all worth all of the hassle, but im debating if im going to be stupid or not this summer. please read and write back soon....because i miss you already.

chris parker

p.s. i love you