day 11

today was bar none, the worst day i can remember. basically, shit was just piled on top of me until i was neck deep in it. well, its a blog, so i guess i should just tell you how the day went. well, i went to my 8 am class and i just had a quiz. it wasnt bad, but the day was just going to get worse. my director gave me an email saying to meet him in his office at 10 to talk about world championships. you see, world is on a friday, and that is a class day, and thus i would have to miss his class. i told him that i got a person to sub for me on that day and that he would cover my part, but all he said was he just wants me to know where my priorites are. but i dont think he understands that i have dreamed of this chance for a lot longer than me dreaming of being a music major. all he said was, let me do some schedule stuff, and lets talk after spring break. im afraid of what he might do. 2 years ago, a guy in our percussion section made MCM, and he did it for about half the season. then the director moved the concert date to the same date as world champioships just because he wanted that drummer to himself. well, the director now knows the date of champioships, and im worried. i got to symphony band, and i started feeling really bad. i was really out of it, and i was doing stupid shit like dropping sticks and stuff. then i would do stupid stuff like skip measures and misread time signatures. then the worst cam up. he asked us to play the second song, and i realized that i didnt have my hi hats. you see, our set up changes every day because we play different songs on different days. well, i forgot that i played hi hat, so when he said go to the second song, i realized that i didnt set them up. i walked briskly to the drum closet where the stand and hats were. the director saw me, and just started staring, and so did everyone else. he pointed to the piccolo player and said "she has her stuff together, why doesnt the percussion section?" it made me feel like shit, especially since someone moved the hi hat somewhere else, so it took another five minutes for me to set up. after i finally got them in the room and set them up, and looked up to see his stare. he was just enjoying my pain and suffering. he looked me in the eye and asked "are you SURE your ready?" I said yes sir, and we started. we didnt even go over the hi hat part of the song.

it took all of my strength to not cry during that class. afterwards i just broke down. i hated the class. the man made me do something i never wanted to happen. i hated music in his class. i began to realize that i hated music when he is making me do it. i cant lose my passion for music, but im afraid its slipping away. after the class, i cut my hand open on a stand. it really hurt. and then i got a really bad nosebleed. this day couldnt get worse.

but it did. as i was on my way to atlanta, i got pulled over. i was going 68 in a 55 because i was mad at life. i have to go to court that is 100 miles from tennessee tech in a month and i might have to pay a fine or go to driving school. but whatever it is, its going to suck. but yeah, my day got as bad as i could have gotten.

well, at least i have her. she is actually the reason im alive right now. i thought about driving off the road and hitting the pedal to the metal, but then i remembered her. i realized i do have something to live for. its her. my priority is to make her happy, and if i offed myself, i would be failing my task. so good job mary, you win. and thank you.

you know what i really hope. i really hope people see my show on saturday and realize how hard i worked on this. it has been so hard on me, and i dont thing people realize how much this has taken out of me. it is very hard. the hardest thing i have done ever. EVER!! and the only reward i will get out of this is going to world championships and making the people in my high school see me as a hero. especially my girl. i hope she likes the show. every second of it. i hope she sees it and is blown away. well, i hope odyssey puts me back in the mood tomorrow. goodness knows i need to get in a better mood. oh, and just in case she didnt get the subtle hint. i love you mary collins.

Chris Parker

P.S. I love you